Home Features Club Nights Underwater Pics Feedback Non-Celebrity Diver Events 28 March 2024
Blog Archive Medical FAQs Competitions Travel Offers The Crew Contact Us MDC LDC
Order Tanked Up Magazine
 Twitter Tanked Up FAQ Dive Medicine  Download the Tanked Up Magazine App

ISSUE 17 ARCHIVE - REASONS FOR FAILING THE DIVE EXAM

Rob Hunt

It was a bit wordy.

I forgot what letters mean.

Tensions in the Middle East.

The instructor looked on the verge of thinking about touching my bottom.

Pissed.

I was preoccupied with trying to remember who that bloke in that thing was.

I thought I was in a sitcom.

Am I not flesh and blood?

All things shall come to pass.

I am not a performing monkey.

I am a performing monkey but I don’t perform well in exams.

Fortune favours the stupid.

I have certain contractual obligations.

I refuse to believe I’m supposed to let air out when I go up.

The pen would not obey my will.

You told me I should do what is right. In this case I believed it right to put “The Toxic Avenger” for every answer.

I was being sarcastic.

I was told there would be crisps.

I want you to hit me.

Who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong in this world?

I was waiting for the “hero overcomes all obstacles” music at the end of the film. It didn’t start.

I had to downsize my achievement expectations.

There are no failures, only learning experiences. Some of which are failures.

I refer you to this diagram of me flicking you in the ear.

There was no cash incentive.

I was thinking about you naked.

Winning is tedious.

History will be my judge.

The whole thing’s racist against people that don’t know the answers.

I wrote a haiku, instead but then I ate it, because it was crap.

I lost my mind in San Antonio.

I repent.

I had to return some videotapes.

I disagreed with several of the questions on moral grounds.

I was being attacked by invisible bees. They’re the worst kind.

Jam on my eyeballs.

I believe it to be 1933 and this predates the aqua-lung by at least eight years. Although I don’t know that.

Sometimes you hit the dive exam and sometimes the dive exam hits you. Also, I fell asleep.

Water got in my head and made me forget.

If I passed I would have to dive with you.

It was insulting; the words weren’t long enough.

I just love cheating. Unfortunately, I cheated with the wrong answers.

I’m sorry, I was thinking about cats again.

Imagine a world, a happy world. A world without exams, trials and tests.

Quick! Run!

I move in mysterious ways.

Turn around, Bright Eyes, every now and then I fall apart.

They can’t let everyone pass. I took one for the team.

No speako gringo.

I loathe bubbles.

50 Reasons to Hate the French
Ocean Leisure