Home Features Club Nights Underwater Pics Feedback Non-Celebrity Diver Events 17 October 2018
Blog Archive Medical FAQs Competitions Travel Offers The Crew Contact Us MDC LDC
Order Tanked Up Magazine
 Twitter Tanked Up FAQ Dive Medicine  Download the Tanked Up Magazine App
 

ISSUE 6 ARCHIVE - DIVING DEEPRAVITIES

An evergrowing list of terms to describe all manner of diving-related experiences, incidents and accidents

Alex Griffin

Diving Leisure London

Nautilus Lifeline

99 REFERRAL COURSE

Descriptive of something containing large amounts of hidden extras: 'The missus and I went on an all inclusive deal to some place in Pathos. After they'd added on drinks mixers and sun lounger rental that turned out to be a real 99 referral I can tell you.'

BROWN FINGERED BUDDY CHECK

Asking your buddy, and with malice aforethought, to zip you up after suffering a neoprene gusset slide.

CHUMMING THE WATER

1. Baiting the water with fish guts in an attempt to attract sharks. 2. Baiting the water with the contents of your guts in an attempt to repel anyone from the vicinity of your room on the boat.

COLLIER, TO DO A

A combination of events caused by a Scottish Ear Examination that leads to an early holiday departure and a rectal examination in Dubai caused by your torch being mistaken for a bomb.

CONSUMED BOTTOM TIME

1. A graphical display of your no decompression limit on a dive computer. 2. A popular post dive activity on a liveaboard..

DIVING WITCH DOCTOR

Clueless physician's reaction upon being presented with classic symptoms of decompression sickness ranging from tennis elbow, high blood pressure and the classic: 'It can't be the bends, you haven't been to 50m'. Remember; always call your friendly local chamber wherever you are! (Does this get me my free ad?)

GETTING A DIVE GUIDE TO DO A NIGHT DIVE

A task of herculean difficulty: 'I pulled one of those 'no hanky-panky before marriage' types last month and trying to get her knickers off was like getting a dive guide to do a night dive.'

LUMPSUCKER

Any fish with an unfortunate name, see also chubsucker, mudsucker, carpsucker, sharksucker, convict blenny and the lesser known fuckfaced moron fish.

NEOPRENE GUSSET SLIDE

The awkward but vaguely pleasurable sensation of easing the long tab you use to zip up your wetsuit out from between the cleft of your buttocks after trapping it there during the donning process.

SCOTTISH EAR EXAMINATION

A very specific accident that involves a Scottish man landing directly on your head in the melee to enter the water upon sighting a whaleshark resulting in a perforated eardrum. Usually happens on day 2 or 3 of an expensive liveaboard.

SMB CLUSTERFUCK

The hilarious site of an assortment of reels, tangled lines, unclipped SMBs and one unfortunate diver heading rapidly for the surface.

STUDENT TIGHT

The exact opposite of hand tight with respect to DIN connections. Requires a rubber mallet and a can of WD40 to free.
The Underwater Channel

Previous article « Best Dive Worst Dive - Maria Munn

Next article » Rob's World - 10 Ways You Must Die Before You Dive

Back to Issue 6 Index
Agony Armchair Aunt Best Bride Busted Catch Catch Chamber Club Cooking DCI Deep Deepravities Dentist Dive Dive Diver Diver Diving Doc Don'ts Don'ts Dos Downsides Dry Editorial Fish Flow Gimp Guide Horrorscopes Investigates Letters Love Marine Myth Nervous Night Non-Celebrity Part Paul Photo Photography Photostory Practical Quiz Quiz Reasons Rob Scapa Scuba Sea Shark Sharkipedia Sharm Story Tech Technical Things Toomer Triggerfish Tyson UK Underwater Water World World Worst your