Issue 7 Letters from the Archives of the Tanked Up Magazine

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25 April 2024

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ISSUE 7 ARCHIVE - LETTERS
As I understand it, we mammals spent a billion years evolving from amphibians and getting out of the water. All well and good. But how come those damn dolphins and whales spent another billion to go back in again. What do they know that we don't? Rev N. Stiles Ref Letters above, I have a particular theory on this, initially proposed by my dear wife Marjorie whilst she was making jam one Sunday. It's the bloody wasps and ants. There's only one safe place on a summer's day, and that's at the bottom of Marianas Trench. Well done you cetaceans for leading the way. G. Hurst The last time I got into a bath that was too hot I got straight out. So with global warming, are dolphins growing legs, or are we getting webbed toes. Can't figure this one out. G Cohen Our Darwinosaurus tells us that as land will get hotter before the sea, then it is us that are regressing. Hence our gold medal haul in the last Olympic swimming pool.	Thanks for your last Editorial. Luv the mag by the way. And I agree, chucking a trillion at the banks is like giving an insane arsonist the keys to your car and a box of matches. They lost it all in the first place. A mate of mine tried setting up a dive shop and asked the bank for a loan recently. 6% they wanted. He pointed out that the current rate is a half % and all he got was a blank stare. It's a joke. I'm with Harriet Harman on this one. 5 year bonus claw-backs on the screwed up deals. It's the only language they understand. If any other reader has been shafted by the banks in a divey sort of way, then please let us know. Ed. Jed Deal Just a quick e-thank you to all your team on the chamber stand at the dive show. I was so grateful for the advice and attention you gave my daughter about her asthma and diving. She has started her Open Water now. Thanks again. Jane G. Beaconsfield
Your magazine literally saved my life. I was doing a ton in my MX5 whilst reading Rob's World. The phone rang and as my Dad rambled on I started to roll a fag and open the plastic sandwich wrapper. A speed hump in the street made the coffee between my legs burn my thighs and I hit the kerb. As I had replaced the air bags with bass speakers, thank God your magazine was there to cushion the blow. The surgeons said that if it wasn't for the glossy photo section I would now look like Gordon Banks. M. Tasker Naples Dear Editor Recently, after bearing witness to some extremely routine diving operations at a popular but anonymous dive site, I couldn't help but notice the unimaginative dive wear on show. It almost appeared like the divers were stepping off a production line straight into the murky depths, a pre ordered SCUBA Steve factory. Circuit complete, they would march out in file, straight to the nearest alcohol dispenser. This makes perfect sense, but where was the style or flair? Why don't companies produce dry suits in the form of super hero costumes or animal suits? I would like to see superman flying out of the water wearing a buffalo head, or a big fat bloke in a wonder woman outfit. This also applies to post diving headwear. Comfortable and practical? Be damned. I didn't see one single Viking helmet drink dispenser or toga on display and frankly I'm a little disappointed. Regards A not at all gay diving fashion critic.	I work in an office, sitting in front of a computer screen all day, and recently discovered to my amazement that it can be a bit tedious. What I need is something to distract me from time to time: perhaps a couple of paragraphs written by someone unhinged enough to overreact to similar existential angst by inexplicably wandering off, agendaless, to a forgotten backwater probably on the other side of the world. Ideally, this would be written in an engaging and amusing way and updated two or three times a week so that I could somehow take advantage of fairly recent advances in communications technology and peruse it from my desk. Shame it's not possible, really: instead, I'll probably just ease the boredom by killing my boss. Simon Copath Ed says: Well, Simon, put those power tools away because your luck's in! LDM's own Rob will be starting a regular blog at londondivermagazine.co.uk/blog, which probably won't be amusing or engaging but it will be regular, and it means, at least, he'll stop looking mournfully out of the office window whilst misquoting Messrs Sartre & Camus. You might even be able to add your own comments in the unlikely event that Rob can muster up the IT know-how to make it possible. Great, but I'd still like to kill my boss. Any suggestions? Mr Copath Ed says: Invest in some reasonably priced plastic sheeting to avoid staining the office carpet.
Feeling inspired? Why not write to us yourself? We'll put the best letters up here and in our next issue.
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