ISSUE 18 ARCHIVE - LETTERS

Sodding shame that infant Tom Daley’s show Splash is so rubbish. If it was any better I might have quit diving and taken up diving. Along with those cellulite celebs.

Quite why he is presenting trash telly when he should be doing his A levels still astounds me. He’ll do the sums when he’s on benefits at 30 and realise that there’s no money in diving. Like a PADI shop in Turkmenistan.

Jeffo. Stanley Park

I was wondering if you could help me with a fish identification problem. I was diving off Mexico last week and saw what appeared to be the bottom half of a fish and the top half of Kate Moss. Quite odd really as the “she-fish”, as I have called it, seemed to be breathing in the water with ease then exited to smoke heavily on the mangrove roots.

The nearest I got with my plastic Fish ID card was a grouper.

Simon the Scubanaut

I was watching “Galapagos” on Sky the other day presented by Lord Dave and realised why I had never dived there myself.

It’s so bloody far away.

Give me the Scilly Isles every time.

A few hours to Penzance and a short hop on a ferry.

The in-breeding is just as prevalent too. But not the evolution.

H Wilson

May I use your organ to pitch my amazing TV format to any diver/commissioning editors out there?

It’s called SPEARGUN.

Z list celebs dive off a 3 metre platform into a pool. Open water students are in the depths below and have to nail the likes of Razor Ruddock and Phil Tufnell with barbed shafts.

Meanwhile Johnny Vegas in a shark costume puts them off their aim by venting his rebreather in their line of sight.

Norman, Weymouth

No you can’t. It’s already on BBC 3 - Ed.

How could 16th century sailors have mistaken manatees for mermaids? One looks half über-foxy in a 3-4 pint sort of way. The other looks totally like my ex-wife.

I blame poor rum, scurvy and the lack of Nuts magazine 500 years ago.

J Cookson. Amateur historian

Has anyone used the new Dyson Rebreather yet?

I got one of the prototypes last year. Worked well and got rid of 20 years of pulmonary tar at the same time.

Hopefully it will catch on.